Debra #85:
Girl's,
I see each of you, my daughters, in different places in your life's progression. One is bearing a child at the sacrifice of her own happy daily sojourns. Another has sacrificed a year and a half of her life and money as she anxiously awaits to board the voyage of motherhood. Another daughter searches her own capabilities and questions her willingness to cross over from her own childhood into becoming a mother herself. Finally, I smile about my sweetheart of a daughter who easily carries children in her womb like a kangaroo and would be happy to be a surrogate mother for everyone but cannot foresee how she could manage another adorable toddler in her busy day.
I am grateful that Brenley is going into the nursing field and is interested in specializing in infertility. No one can serve a person better than someone who has been through the same experiences. For example, I went through a period of anxiety in my life and now I understand what people with anxiety are feeling like and I know exactly how to help them best. I believe that we have these types of experiences so that God can use us in other people's lives. I remember the night that I lost Spencer in the hospital. I heard a women down the hall screaming with excitement about giving birth to a healthy baby boy when I had just lost my son. My nurse realized that this made me feel bad and she moved me out of the maternity hallway into another room. She told me later that she had been through a similar personal experience and knew exactly what I was going through. I will always remember how she made a difference for me. I don't even remember the Doctor, but I remember that nurse and her empathy.
This is what I think that the "weaknesses will become our strengths"scripture is all about. When we are able to overcome a weakness in our life, we strengthen ourselves and often times we learn to not only carry ourselves but others too. This reminds me of Jesus carrying his own cross. He was already worn down from the Garden of Gethsemanie and then had the added burden of carrying his own cross up to the hill to Golgotha which he was to be crucified on. He gained strength after his own moment of weakness in the Garden and thus while on the cross he was able to help the sinner who was being crucified next to him and also was strong enough to show concern for the welfare of the souls of those who were crucifying him. That is a true example of gaining strength as one overcomes personal weakness.
In my patriarchal blessing it states that "I will receive answers to all of my blessings if I will but live as The Lord has commanded me to".I could never really understand what this meant. When I waited for the timing to be right with The Lord for Emily to come I began to be frustrated with Him and I even remember telling my brother Kip that I was going to give The Lord a certain time frame to work within and then that would be it. I was trying to give Heavenly Father an ultimatum. Kip laughed that I would be so bold. I had many priesthood blessings and in each I was told that I should not doubt that this child would come, but that it would be in the Lord's time - not mine. Following each miscarriage, I again gave ultimatums to The Lord. The final time that I did this I gave The Lord five minutes until I called to make an appointment to have my tubes retied because I did not think that I had the personal health or strength to go through another failed pregnancy. This time The Lord took quick action and prompted two sisters to call me and share their testimonies of faith and the importance of good nutrition within the allotted five minutes. Both of them had been in the same situation I was in and had felt prompted to call me. One was a Ward Relief Society President and one was the Stake Relief Society President. Neither had previously called me about a personal matter before. We were just acquaintances. After I spoke with them, I humbled myself before The Lord and agreed to live in faith as he had commanded me to in my priesthood blessings and that I would wait patiently for my blessings of having another child to be answered. At that moment, I heard a clear voice in my mind that said, "Debra, you will have this girl but it will be a great sacrifice for you because you will sacrifice time from work and your life to bring this about." It was a short message, but I lost all fear.
I did sacrifice everything that I had for Emily. So did all of you girls. During that time in my life, I learned to be patient with The Lord and to live in faith. I realized that I cannot make quick and abrupt decisions about bearing children in my life without considering The Lord because there are more people involved besides myself and that I cannot see the whole picture, but he can. What if I would have made decisions that kept Emily from our family because I did not listen to the Lord and live in faith as God had commanded. My weakness was that I did not listen to the Lord and work in his time frame and through my weakness I have now gained strength to submit to his will. I can share that strength with others when called upon by The Lord. I believe that giving birth to Gods Sons and Daughters is a very sacred duty. I wish I would have been more aware of what a sacred honor this was when I was beginning my mothering years. It is truly a miracle if you think about it. I am grateful for however we can help to bring God's spirit children into the world. I am especially grateful to be your Mother. Love, Mom
Girl's,
I see each of you, my daughters, in different places in your life's progression. One is bearing a child at the sacrifice of her own happy daily sojourns. Another has sacrificed a year and a half of her life and money as she anxiously awaits to board the voyage of motherhood. Another daughter searches her own capabilities and questions her willingness to cross over from her own childhood into becoming a mother herself. Finally, I smile about my sweetheart of a daughter who easily carries children in her womb like a kangaroo and would be happy to be a surrogate mother for everyone but cannot foresee how she could manage another adorable toddler in her busy day.
I am grateful that Brenley is going into the nursing field and is interested in specializing in infertility. No one can serve a person better than someone who has been through the same experiences. For example, I went through a period of anxiety in my life and now I understand what people with anxiety are feeling like and I know exactly how to help them best. I believe that we have these types of experiences so that God can use us in other people's lives. I remember the night that I lost Spencer in the hospital. I heard a women down the hall screaming with excitement about giving birth to a healthy baby boy when I had just lost my son. My nurse realized that this made me feel bad and she moved me out of the maternity hallway into another room. She told me later that she had been through a similar personal experience and knew exactly what I was going through. I will always remember how she made a difference for me. I don't even remember the Doctor, but I remember that nurse and her empathy.
This is what I think that the "weaknesses will become our strengths"scripture is all about. When we are able to overcome a weakness in our life, we strengthen ourselves and often times we learn to not only carry ourselves but others too. This reminds me of Jesus carrying his own cross. He was already worn down from the Garden of Gethsemanie and then had the added burden of carrying his own cross up to the hill to Golgotha which he was to be crucified on. He gained strength after his own moment of weakness in the Garden and thus while on the cross he was able to help the sinner who was being crucified next to him and also was strong enough to show concern for the welfare of the souls of those who were crucifying him. That is a true example of gaining strength as one overcomes personal weakness.
In my patriarchal blessing it states that "I will receive answers to all of my blessings if I will but live as The Lord has commanded me to".I could never really understand what this meant. When I waited for the timing to be right with The Lord for Emily to come I began to be frustrated with Him and I even remember telling my brother Kip that I was going to give The Lord a certain time frame to work within and then that would be it. I was trying to give Heavenly Father an ultimatum. Kip laughed that I would be so bold. I had many priesthood blessings and in each I was told that I should not doubt that this child would come, but that it would be in the Lord's time - not mine. Following each miscarriage, I again gave ultimatums to The Lord. The final time that I did this I gave The Lord five minutes until I called to make an appointment to have my tubes retied because I did not think that I had the personal health or strength to go through another failed pregnancy. This time The Lord took quick action and prompted two sisters to call me and share their testimonies of faith and the importance of good nutrition within the allotted five minutes. Both of them had been in the same situation I was in and had felt prompted to call me. One was a Ward Relief Society President and one was the Stake Relief Society President. Neither had previously called me about a personal matter before. We were just acquaintances. After I spoke with them, I humbled myself before The Lord and agreed to live in faith as he had commanded me to in my priesthood blessings and that I would wait patiently for my blessings of having another child to be answered. At that moment, I heard a clear voice in my mind that said, "Debra, you will have this girl but it will be a great sacrifice for you because you will sacrifice time from work and your life to bring this about." It was a short message, but I lost all fear.
I did sacrifice everything that I had for Emily. So did all of you girls. During that time in my life, I learned to be patient with The Lord and to live in faith. I realized that I cannot make quick and abrupt decisions about bearing children in my life without considering The Lord because there are more people involved besides myself and that I cannot see the whole picture, but he can. What if I would have made decisions that kept Emily from our family because I did not listen to the Lord and live in faith as God had commanded. My weakness was that I did not listen to the Lord and work in his time frame and through my weakness I have now gained strength to submit to his will. I can share that strength with others when called upon by The Lord. I believe that giving birth to Gods Sons and Daughters is a very sacred duty. I wish I would have been more aware of what a sacred honor this was when I was beginning my mothering years. It is truly a miracle if you think about it. I am grateful for however we can help to bring God's spirit children into the world. I am especially grateful to be your Mother. Love, Mom
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